When It is Time


Kanuga 2017

It was the summer of 1996 and I was living in Central Square, in Cambridge MA. 

I’d moved up there the year before to become a street/subway musician, and that was easy enough to do, once I overcame the fear.(which is another entirely different story) 

In the mornings, I’d work at the coffee shop down the street from my apartment. And then in the afternoon/evenings I’d go play music in Harvard Square, a subway train station, or a gig. 

The goal was simply to be playing somewhere every day. 

But one day I suddenly realized that something was wrong. My left shoulder and arm were going numb, and I would totally lose the strength in my left hand, which is the hand that you hold chords with. 

Halfway through a song I couldn’t do it anymore. And my shoulder ached really bad. 

One of the customers at the coffee shop was a masseuse and he offered me a deep tissue massage. 

It felt really good but did not help the issue. 

So here I was. A long way from home. I’d moved up to Boston/Cambridge because it offered more opportunity to play music. But now after a year of playing for hours on end at a time and repetitive motion, 

I couldn’t play. 

One night I was walking home and something came over me. “Well either something is going to happen here, or I’m gonna have to get someone to wire me the money to go home.” 

And I just knew that. And I was okay with that. “Maybe this is the path and maybe it isn’t.” I thought.  

But I was okay with this knowing. 

A few days later I awoke to the sounds of one of my 5 roommates moving out. This was a big deal in Cambridge, which you know if you’ve ever tried to find a place to live there. One of my friends had been sleeping on his brothers couch and needing his own place to stay so I immediately called him on the phone. 

“Get your stuff down here now and move in while he moves out!” 

And that is what we did. As the roommate moved his stuff out, we moved my friends stuff in. By the end of the day, he was all settled in to his new room. 

He said to me, “My brother wants us to come over for dinner so come on.” And away we went down the street to his brothers house, which was about a mile away. 

Upon arrival, his brother, who I had never met before, walked up to me and slapped me in the chest with the back of his hand and said, “You hooked my brother up so I’m gonna hook you up. You are coming to work for me next week.” 

??? I explained that I wasn’t looking for a job. I explained my situation about moving up there to be a musician and now my hand won’t work. 

He said, “Well you can’t be making any money, so come to work for me and you will make some money and you can deal with your hand and all that stuff later.”

Long story short, I worked for him for almost 2 years. I drove and travelled all over the United States, made a bunch of money, found a doctor who easily showed me some exercises that helped my hand situation, and used a lot of the money I made to record a CD just the way I wanted it to be. 

I tell that story because instead of having to wire for money for a bus ticket home, … something happened.

The story is a very important one in my own life, because it reminds me that I have NO IDEA what the Universe can do. It can do anything. It can come at me from ways that I never imagined, thought about, or knew.

Anything can happen.

And when it is time, it will.

But so often we get frustrated. We want it to happen now. We think it is time. We think we are at the end of the line, when we really aren’t.

I want to change. Why do I hang on to old and destructive habits? Why do I refuse to let go? Why won’t the Universe reward me for all my hard work?

How can I get so terribly uncomfortable with the way things are? With the way I am? (Yes I get so very sick of myself at times. I am impossible.)

Just know that when it is time, it will happen. It may not be the way you thought, it may come at you from out of left field. But it will happen. You will change too. You will wake up one morning and not be the person you were yesterday.

It happens. We are all growing and evolving in consciousness. What we want, will come.

When it is time.

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