In my twenty-fifth year it was decided.
“If I am going to die and nobody is going to tell me when or how, then I am going to play music until then.”
Now in my forty-eighth year, I just got home from a gig. Tonight I played in a restaurant/bar down on River Street in Savannah.
Some have suggested that they think forty-eight is a little too old to be playing gigs in restaurants and bars.
“How long do you think you can keep this up? Do you see yourself doing this at sixty?”
Just so ya know, I will keep this up as long as I can. What else do you think I’m going to do? This is what I’ve done all my life.
But sometimes I even question myself. This past year has been filled with depression and anxiety, and at times, panic attacks.
And there is really no particular reason that I can think of.
The other day my therapist said, “You are having a mid-life crisis. You are going to die and you don’t like it.”
He actually said, “You are old man! You are forty-eight, and I am forty-six and I am old!”
Maybe he’s right.
He probably is.
And between you and me, I don’t know how to like it. That is something I’ve yet to figure out.
“Find another way of looking at it,” says my therapist.
Yes, it is all about perception isn’t it?
In the last month, two friends from my childhood have passed away. Both my age. And this is not helping things at all as far as my mid-life crisis is concerned.
But it does make me feel good about the decision I made long ago. It really does.
I’ve spent my life doing what I love to do, for better or for worse. As time has gone on, I still play my regular music gigs, but things have blossomed into ministry too. Something that I can assure you I never saw coming, but am so grateful for.
All I can really tell you is that God wants you to do what you want to do.
Do what you love. If you do, you will be okay. Love who you love. Be nice. Try to help when you can.
And remember, I couldn’t do this without you.