The 2nd Step In Healing: Kindness

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“How can being kind to others heal me?”

Many times people are kind to other people in general, or at least not mean. It is the people closest to us that seem to give us the most trouble. Sometimes it is a family member, or sometimes it is someone at work, but it is these people who matter most. I have never had much trouble being kind to the general public, the check- out person at the grocery store, etc… I am nice and friendly in general, but not without my challenges. A¬†couple of years ago I was having a lot of trouble in my marriage, and I was told “Everything bad that you think about your wife, is really how you feel about your own self!” “Are you kidding me?” I asked. It didn’t make much sense to me until I began to really examine the situation. I made a list of all my wife’s issues, and what do you know, they were all my issues that I had with myself! This clearly points to the fact that if I am not kind to others, it is because I have issues with my own self.

We project how we feel about ourselves onto other people!

The most interesting part of this discovery for me, was that I had no idea how badly I felt about myself. I knew that I had issues, but when my wife and I would have problems of some sort, I would go away and just rant at her in my head about all the things that were wrong with her. It turns out that I was ranting about me.
Then I soon discovered that everywhere I went, I went feeling guilty. I felt that everyone thought that I should be doing better, that I should have done more with my life, and that I was not very smart. I projected how I felt about myself on everyone! I did not like myself and I figured that you didn’t either. I figured that you thought the same things about me that I did! This effected the way I was with people in my life, because I always had to make sure that you knew all the good things that were happening, that I was really okay. Sometimes I just didn’t want to see anyone at all. Who could blame me? If they don’t like me, then why would I want to be around them?

Change how you feel about yourself and heal!

So this means that “If you don’t like yourself, neither will anybody else”. What happens when you change all the negative feelings that you have about yourself into positive feelings? The same thing, except for now everybody loves you! You decide how other people feel about you!
As for the situation with my wife, as I began to work on changing my feelings about myself, she had less and less things wrong with her! Turns out, there is nothing wrong with her at all!
Negativity in any form, is negativity. It makes us sick. Worry, fear, anxiety, anger, it all makes us stressed out and sick. Our muscles are tight, and we are full of guilt and shame. Notice “Kindness” in your life. If you feel as if you are unkind, it is a sure sign that there is something within your own self that needs help. Kindness can heal. People who are healed are kind.

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