Sex and Spirituality (part two)


kyle_ssi_010In part one of this blog, we concluded that we want to have integrity in all areas of our lives, including our sex lives.

This simply entails developing an idea of what is “healthy” vs. what is “unhealthy”, and then doing what we say we are going to do.

But this is where living a spiritual life in truth can get difficult for us, because this is where I have to look at the facts. Am I acting with integrity or am I not? We also have to take into account the fact that during our lifetimes, we may change, or things and people around us may change.

After all, we are the one’s deciding on what is healthy, and what integrity is to us. What is healthy and full of integrity today, may not be tomorrow.

Unlike money or food, which were two examples I used in part one of this blog, our sex lives directly involve other people. (See THIS page for solo-sex statistics) If you have money issues, this definitely will affect others, such as your creditor’s or your other family members. If you have eating problems, this can cause poor health, which does affect your friends and family members, but if you are having sex issues, this is much more “up close and personal”.

People get lied to and cheated on, or people get told the truth and are heart broken. People get into situations where they want sex a lot more often than their partners do. People like certain things, and find that their partner may not. This sex thing can easily become a giant tangled mess.

Clarity is essential. You must be very clear about what you deem healthy and about what you want. You must be able to clearly communicate this. Then if you are confronted with a situation that you aren’t sure you can commit to, you don’t have to.

The best word that I ever learned is “No!”

In the spiritual circles, there is a big movement where people will tell you, “Say Yes!” This is a really great movement and I get it, but saying yes can be very inappropriate when we are not really ready to make a commitment, or when we are already cramped for time. I personally tried the “Say Yes!” campaign and soon found it absurd. I can only be in one place at a time, there are only so many hours in a day. When I began to say “No!” I actually increased my integrity ratings tremendously.

Nothing is more bothersome than a person who says they’ll be there, or that they will take care of something, and then they act like they never said it. Few things hurt us more than when we are in a committed relationship, only to find that the other person isn’t really committed.

As always, my writing, no matter the topic, comes back to priorities. I have my priorities in order, and everything else comes secondary. I am not afraid to say, “That sounds really good, but I cannot commit.”

You will want to stay tuned for part three, where we will talk about how to handle it when someone is not acting with integrity.

Kyle Shiver is a Spiritual Healer, and Holistic Health Practitioner, as well as a meditation guide. Book your in-office or phone/Skype session by calling 912-495-8520 or e-mail

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