Reflections After Twenty Years


This is a most special year for me.

Though I don’t know the exact date, it was around this time of year in 1994, that I had my self-realization”. It happened before Thanksgiving, and most likely in early to mid November of that year. If it feels to you like I write about it too much or mention it to frequently, then please understand that this moment of self-realization was the moment that I was reborn.

So many things shifted within me in a single instant that it would take a lifetime to write them all down, and words wouldn’t really describe it anyway. As OSHO said, “My words are fingers pointing to the moon.”

But he followed that up with, “Do not worship my fingers!”

Back in 1994 in my little room I was renting, I knew that I knew. And I knew that if it was, then it was. I knew that I was Good and that God had made me just the way I AM. So I knew that God had also “prepared the Way” for me. I did not know the way, but I knew it was there, and I knew which direction to move in.

I continued with my job in retail, working during the day and playing music at night, until June of 1995(the 18th to be exact), when I hopped on a Value Jet to Boston. Then while in Boston I worked in a cafe and played at night and on my days off. Later I had to actually take job that didn’t allow for me to play music for a year and a half. But it payed me the money that would allow me to propel myself to where I wanted to go.

It all worked out so beautifully that I’ll have to write it down one day.

In the beginning of 1998 I stepped out, and I’ve been out ever since. Some people call it “working for God”. Some people just say, “self-employed”. Still other times it is referred to as, “Living your dreams” or “Being your authentic self”.

Looking back I sometimes want to think that I did everything wrong, but that is far from the truth. No one is more authentic than I have been. I listen to the songs I wrote and the cd’s I recorded over the years and the authenticity is plain to see and hear. It is true that I have had to ask for financial help a time or two, but it is also true that this money was just a small amount compared to the whole.

Most every penny that has come into my hands since 1998 has been from playing music. Later on I began selling my art. Then I began playing music in church, leading meditation workshops, and then speaking in church’s. Simultaneously I began my spiritual healing/counsel practice. I work hard. In fact, my life is my work.

Here in my twentieth year, it feels like I’m just getting started!

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