Secrets are how we keep ourselves separate from other people. Secrets set us apart. The secrets that I keep are what make me more terrible than anyone else. My secret is so bad, so terrible, that I am convinced that I cannot tell another human being.
I am “different” and I am “bad”.
“This is going to the grave with me” we say.
Seems to me it is going to take you to your grave sooner than need be, because your secrets are poison. Yet we hang on to them as if they are gold. As if they are more precious than anything.
I know that in many cases we men are told that we need to be tough. We are all told “you shouldn’t feel that way”. We feel sometimes that we shouldn’t be bothered by the things that bother us. Maybe we think that we should be stronger than we are.
But secrets are sneaky.
They have this very subtle way of not only making us “different” than others, but they can become our excuse or our crutch. An example of that would be someone thinking, “I am an alcoholic because I was sexually abused as a child.” We are simply not aware of the ramifications of saying things like this.
If this were true, then to deal with your being abused as a child would mean that you couldn’t be an alcoholic anymore.
So not only do we hang on to our isolated separateness, we hang on because our secrets and our excuses are the only way we know to justify ourselves. This is all that we know. It is all that we have known. So to touch it, or to be honest with someone, would threaten us in a big way.
How would you justify your alcoholism(or whatever your problem may be) if you gave up your excuse?
But what if we take this thought process just a little bit further. What if we consider dealing with those secrets or those bad things that have happened to us? What if we consider that there might be a way to possibly process that stuff, and heal from that stuff, and then turn our negative response(the trouble in our lives) into a positive response?
You can get sober. You can lose the weight. You can make more money and make a better life for yourself. You can learn how to have more healthy relationships. And I can tell you that all of these things are possible because it is possible for you to do the inner work.
All the work is done on the inside.
I hope that each of us has at least one person in the world who know’s everything. You sure don’t need to go posting all your deepest darkest secrets on Facebook, and you sure don’t need to tell everyone in the world about it. (though sometimes people do that in order to help other’s who have had the same or similar experiences and this is a positive response for these people)
But just to start, I am going to invite you to choose a person that you can trust. It could be a friend, or it could be a minister or a priest, or a counselor. It can even be someone that you don’t know and that you’ll never see again.
But get it out!
Kyle Shiver is an inspirational speaker and spiritual counselor currently living in Savannah Georgia. To schedule your phone, Skype, or in-office visit, call 912-495-8520 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org