I Sometimes Want To Go Back

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IMG_2339This evening my wife asked me to take our daughter to her Girl Scouts get together. Actually she’s a “Daisy” but that’s beside the point. The girls meet at a community center which on Islands High School campus, and as we parked and I walked her to the building, I noticed that there was a football game going on, and it was right there!

I couldn’t get rid of her fast enough! Heaven knows what I promised her because she wanted me to stay at the Girl Scout gathering and watch her. When we walked in, my daughter ran to greet a friend, so I checked her in and told the leader “I’m going to watch the game!”  Then I exited quickly.

What I’d give to go back to those days… The smell of the dirt, the cool air, the suspense when the quarterback throws the ball, it was almost too much. It lasted about thirty minutes and the game ended with the home team (Islands High School) losing a close one to Jenkins High.  From what I could gather, the final score was 20 to 18.

My dad and I go to the Georgia/Florida game every year, and there’s nothing like being there, but this was different. I was so close to the field that I could have just jogged right out there and got my groove on! Memories came flooding back to me of playing 11/12 year old football, playing for the Merry Acres Junior High Braves, and then my one year of High School ball at Westover. (I’m from Albany Georgia if you are wondering). During my first and only season in High School, I only got in a couple of varsity plays, but I started on the junior varsity team and we won all but 1 game. Then my personal issues began to really get in the way, and I hung up my cleats for good just before my second season.

It was a trying time in my life to say the least, but things unfolded that way and there was nothing I could really do at the time. For years I looked back on that time with regret, and with lots of negative feelings attached to it. Now I think back and smile! I was really good at football, and I used to love it, but even then, I knew that it wasn’t the “real me”. I knew I couldn’t live it 24-7, 365, and I have proved to be the kind of person who doesn’t go half way. It was me who made the decision that day at football camp, just before the start of what would have been my second season. I just stood up and said “That’s it I quit”. Now when I look back at a time-line of my life, I see that though I would have liked to have played through high school, I just couldn’t. This was a decision that felt at the time like the lowest bottom of the barrel, but in the long run, things turned out okay. It had to be done and I did it. It set many things in motion to occur that would shape me in to the man I am today, and I like me just fine!

I am grateful for all the memories, grateful for all the memories of every different stage of my life. I also know now that I’m older, that I want to be present every second for everything. I want to experience it all as fully as I can, even if it is a painful situation I want to experience it fully. I know too well that “This too shall pass”.

Kyle Shiver is a husband and father, an inspirational speaker, energy healer(Reiki master and Chakra balancing), and meditation teacher and facilitator. His new cd of guided meditations called Vibrations of the Heart is now available and you can purchase your copy HERE.

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