I have a spiritual practice, because at one time I was very much not okay with myself. I didn’t like myself much at all, and you could say that I downright hated myself and my life. Life had not turned out the way I had wanted, and I didn’t know what to do.
I had tried my best, and pushed myself beyond my limits, and given everything I had, and still things weren’t happening the way I wanted them to.
So what happened was that over time, I began to have a lot of problems with a lot of different people. I also didn’t like the mall or the grocery store, or crowds of any kind. My heart wasn’t in the music I was playing anymore, and I didn’t even want to be at my gigs.
Like a mirror, I reflected the way I felt about myself on to everyone around me. I just wanted to go home. When I got to my back porch and got a drink in my hand, and the world all went to bed. I was okay. For a time.
The day came when even this couldn’t sooth me anymore.
Fortunately, it was pointed out to me that the only person I had a problem with was myself. I didn’t like this idea, but I couldn’t help but agree. I had become so miserable, that I couldn’t see anything but misery.
I was passed the point of being upset or angry with people. As a person myself, I already knew that I was born just the way I am, and that was that. I am me, I am what I am, I see things the way I see things, and besides, there was no instruction manual.
Nobody has an instruction manual. Nobody has any answers any more that I do. Except for… God.
I remember full well, sitting down at the table with the man who was my Spiritual Advisor at the time. I had no resentments towards any person, I looked right over the heads of people, knowing that all people are just like me; trying to do the best that we can.
This was between me and God.
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