The biggest thing to know about not arguing, but actually talking to someone you disagree with is that if you don’t respect them…
you are probably still arguing.
Typically it isn’t matter of intelligence, it is a matter of logic and reasoning. So if we can just decide that the person we are attempting to talk to has a reason for their behavior or for their opinion, we can then try to figure out what that reason is.
Lots of times when I ask people questions, they will get a funny look in their eyes as they see that perhaps their reasoning doesn’t make sense.
And sometimes it’s me and my reasoning that doesn’t make sense.
When a person sees in a non-threatening way that their reasoning doesn’t make sense, they have to re-evaluate things. It might take a minute, because let’s remember that we are talking about actual physical neurons in the brain.
We are talking about neural pathways that may have been created and well-traveled for decades until now. A new thought has emerged, a new idea has been introduced. Or at the very least, the person sees that their reasoning is poor and illogical.
So now, what is reasonable? If my reasoning doesn’t make any sense, then what does?
Sometimes, depending on the situation, I share my reasoning or the way I see things. But I always make it clear that, “This is just my reasoning and the way I see things.” I reserve the right to be wrong.
There are those times when even two open-minded people just cannot land on the same page. And this is okay. This has been an opportunity for you both to express and evaluate your reasoning.
When two people disagree, but still respect each other, a compromise can always be found and agreed upon.
What happens when one doesn’t respect the other? That’ll have to wait until the next blog.