This just does not make any sense to me, even while experiencing it!
It used to be that I basically did one thing. I was very stressed and dramatic all the time. I was very angry too. This was very important, and typically people didn’t understand just how important it was. That got me to a certain point, but then things stalled and I pushed harder. Then after a time, I crumbled beneath the weight.
Today things are so different in my life that sometimes I don’t feel like I know myself. There is so much less stress and anxiety now. It sometimes feels as if I just don’t care anymore, but this isn’t the case at all.
“I care, but there is a clear understanding of what I am in charge of and what I am not in charge of.”
For instance, if I want to give a meditation class, there are certain things that I’m in charge of. I find a location and make arrangements about place, time, and financial arrangements. Then I post it on Facebook, meet up, and sometimes make a few flyers. In other words, “my part” is clearly defined, and can easily be done.
What used to stress me out so bad was my confusion about responsibility. “What if nobody shows up?” I’d ask myself. I somehow would place upon my shoulders the responsibility of having a full room show up for my class. There was no room for the Universe to work at all, because I had assumed all responsibility.
I care, and I care a lot. But meditation has helped me to clearly define where my part starts, and where it ends. The Universe is allowed to do what it wants to do. So if nobody shows up to my event, it really is okay. If one person shows up to my event, this is really okay too.
I am relieved of all that pressure, and now realize how much pressure I used to place upon myself. It was all very unrealistic. Now that I am much more realistic I find that I can spend my time much more effectively and get so much more done, so much faster, and with no stressing over things I cannot do anything about.
My music gigs are still for the time, my main source of income. I write this blog, am working on a book, I’m an artist and have my art in several galleries, I am working with several different clients all the time with spiritual counseling and energy healing, and I have a beautiful home and family too. Did I mention that I also go to school online and am about to finish one degree and then embark upon another journey?
But in meditation, I AM RIGHT HERE 🙂