After years of searching and reading and experiencing, I have come to the conclusion that “Attention=Love”.
It surprises me that this is all there is to it, but I think I’m right.
Like most, I was first introduced to the idea of “love” by television, movies, and of course music. Romance, heartbreak, soul mate, the one that got away, etc… We cannot forget nature here, as most of us probably had a childhood crush or two, a favorite movie star or singer, and we all have to go through puberty, and what is more romantic than puberty?
How we find our way through physical attraction, chemical reactions, all that we are exposed to in the world, is beyond me. The divorce rate has been and still is over 50% in America, so we probably aren’t known for our healthy, strong, emotional relationships.
One would have to say that a country who has a divorce rate that high doesn’t know much about “love”. (at least half of us anyway)
First off, people really do have crush’s and physical attractions, and chemical reactions to other people, and people really do go through puberty. This is all very real for us, and these experiences are all very natural too, but what we don’t realize, is that we start thinking “I need something or someone OUTSIDE of myself to make me okay”.
If someone we are attracted to isn’t attracted to us, we may think “What is wrong with me?” Maybe you aren’t pretty or handsome enough? Maybe you don’t have the right car or job? In many cases, this slide of consciousness happens without us realizing it. After all, a favorite song may be about just this kind of heartbreak!
We become WANTING beings, and LOVE is not WANTING is it?
The simple fact is that in our society, we are not introduced to ourselves. We are not together inside. We need somebody or something else to make us okay. The trouble with this is that when we get what we want, we don’t want it anymore, because(drum roll please) IT DOESN’T WORK!!!
We go through relationship after relationship, perhaps job after job, maybe we move to a different city, take on a different style of dress or a different activity, on and on the search never ends as long as we are searching for something outside of ourselves.
Also in America, many of us suffer from ADD.(Attention Deficit Disorder) Let’s face it, you gotta be fast to be American because we are in a hurry! We can’t pay attention. We can’t read something and then tell you what we just read. We don’t have time for those details, we just do what we gotta do to get what we want.
The details don’t matter.
So what I can ask you to do, is as always, what I have done. Begin to pay attention to how well you can pay attention.
Do you look people in the eye and listen when you are having a conversation, or can you not wait to interrupt them and tell them your more important information? Can you read and retain information?
Pay attention to how well you pay attention, and work towards getting better! I guarantee you that as you begin to pay more attention to people, you will see just what I have been speaking of. Some people are really caught off guard and are really uncomfortable when you give them your full attention, and they don’t know how to react. Notice who pays attention to you, and notice who interrupts you when you are speaking. Gaining this awareness and watching is good and will help you increase your attention skills.
In many cases, ADD can be overcome just by awareness and working toward correcting the problem.
When I first began to watch myself, I was really out of sorts to learn how little communication skills I had. Not only did I have a hard time listening to other people, but I began to notice that I did not convey information very well either. I would talk all over the place and many times just get confused by how confused I was. However as I worked hard at it, I finally got to where I could give people my attention more and more, and then I could respond to what they were saying, instead of just reacting.
When I give my attention, I am giving ME and MY attention to them, and I feel what LOVE really is. Love and attention is nice to get and we all want it, but the simple fact of the matter is that if you don’t know how to give it, you don’t know how to receive it.
Better learn to start paying attention!